my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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