I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
