I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
