Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
