so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
