Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize