just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
