Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
