Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
