Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
