if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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