yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
