even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
