all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
