I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
