And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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