Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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