I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
