You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
