it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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