New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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