HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
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