How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Everclear isn't food dammit
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