Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
