Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
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I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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