I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
