I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Shame is for Republicans.
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