The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
