Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The power of my boobs compel you
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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