Soap is not a condiment
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
