Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
