i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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