Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
one might say we're banned from that church
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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