Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
