I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
