I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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