Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
