He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
