Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
