Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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