not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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