My hand turned me down
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
this beer tastes like vomit already
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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