if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize