Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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