I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
