i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
