What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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