There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
