drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
