I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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