Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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