Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
