Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
