I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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