and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
