is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
