I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
