At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
false alarm, still single
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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