Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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