I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
