is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
